It's bee n a long time ... i started to write again . well more than a year ago i was sitting behind a different screen with totally Different me , same body , same thoughts but I'm a year older now .. thinking about all ups and downs that happened to me just in a year makes me scared and somewhat hopeful in the other side. sitting here in my bed in a yellow pinkish surroundings of my dormitory room . well i'm alone here .should i be scared or happy to not be bothered by the crowd?? still not sure .. sometimes i wish my vision towards future wouldn't have been so blur so that i could decide easier to stay or leave,to be or not to be . i'm not talking about suicide or anything the same , i'm just talking about hope .should i keep watering this lifeless twig and wait to see it blossom into a beautiful young tree ?! .. people always tell me to go on ,that everything will turn out just right the way i want it . but i find it even harder to believe my own ears as they only hear what they want to hear , so many times I've been deceived by them . I've been deceived even more by myself .there is soul full of everything living inside my prison . its been trapped for so long that i find it hard to set it free , what will happen after flying away from me . I'm sure it will miss home ,miss me!!
sometime i wish we could record our feelings , feelings that capture us in each moment in life , but we tend to forget them and somehow we'll end up falling in the same trap that we tried so hard to escape from back then , but how forgetful we can be and fall in to the same net .. i remember leaving home long time ago when i had my ego and insisting power to stand on my own feet , to fight for what i want , to be who i think i deserve to be and i went all the way down to the road of freedom . there was nothing there but a feeling , a feeling of belonging to no where , a feeling of having no one to lean on, so i learnt my lesson and prayed day and night to take back my peace ,my life,myself . i learnt a lesson , its not a situation you need to change .its within you , no matter how hard you try the challenge stays the same , i learnt that its me who needs to change not the world . life always gives you another chances because its god given gift to you to reach to the most beautiful you but if i just could record all those feelings back then , i wouldn't be in the same trap again today ! now im going to learn another lesson , this is my battle with life this is me who is going to jump from the cliff and fly to the most beautiful me!!!! you will See
Love .... Sara
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
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