It's bee n a long time ... i started to write again . well more than a year ago i was sitting behind a different screen with totally Different me , same body , same thoughts but I'm a year older now .. thinking about all ups and downs that happened to me just in a year makes me scared and somewhat hopeful in the other side. sitting here in my bed in a yellow pinkish surroundings of my dormitory room . well i'm alone here .should i be scared or happy to not be bothered by the crowd?? still not sure .. sometimes i wish my vision towards future wouldn't have been so blur so that i could decide easier to stay or leave,to be or not to be . i'm not talking about suicide or anything the same , i'm just talking about hope .should i keep watering this lifeless twig and wait to see it blossom into a beautiful young tree ?! .. people always tell me to go on ,that everything will turn out just right the way i want it . but i find it even harder to believe my own ears as they only hear what they want to hear , so many times I've been deceived by them . I've been deceived even more by myself .there is soul full of everything living inside my prison . its been trapped for so long that i find it hard to set it free , what will happen after flying away from me . I'm sure it will miss home ,miss me!!
sometime i wish we could record our feelings , feelings that capture us in each moment in life , but we tend to forget them and somehow we'll end up falling in the same trap that we tried so hard to escape from back then , but how forgetful we can be and fall in to the same net .. i remember leaving home long time ago when i had my ego and insisting power to stand on my own feet , to fight for what i want , to be who i think i deserve to be and i went all the way down to the road of freedom . there was nothing there but a feeling , a feeling of belonging to no where , a feeling of having no one to lean on, so i learnt my lesson and prayed day and night to take back my peace ,my life,myself . i learnt a lesson , its not a situation you need to change .its within you , no matter how hard you try the challenge stays the same , i learnt that its me who needs to change not the world . life always gives you another chances because its god given gift to you to reach to the most beautiful you but if i just could record all those feelings back then , i wouldn't be in the same trap again today ! now im going to learn another lesson , this is my battle with life this is me who is going to jump from the cliff and fly to the most beautiful me!!!! you will See
Love .... Sara
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